The AWEA Blog: Into the Wind


Nailed: The Onion reveals wind industry plot to change Earth's orbit

Posted: 2011-06-29 Tom Gray

With characteristic bravado, America's foremost news source, The Onion, blew the whistle yesterday on a nefarious wind industry plot to destabilize the Earth's orbit by building "thousands of propellers" that "make things move."

Relying on a group of impeccable sources including the "American Coal Lobby," "some leading scientists at Coal University," "the environmental activist group Americans for Mining-Based Energy," "a recent Center for Coal Policy conference in the Bahamas" (do I detect a theme here?) and even an upcoming documentary film, "Terminal Gust," a panel of experts unanimously agreed the danger is real and requires immediate action. As one panelist noted, "Wind slips through your fingers--it's dishonest!"

(One wind industry insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, told me, "We really weren't trying to destroy the Earth--we hoped we could steer it, and visit some of the closer stars. We could have opened up new worlds to humanity, and boldly gone where no one has gone before. But thanks to The Onion, our planet is stuck in the same old boring rut indefinitely. Curse them and their tireless investigative prying!")

Get the full scoop here.

More thoughtful energy policy information:

Wind Reserves to Run Out by 2036, The Onion Radio News
Coal (mock commercial)

 


8 responses

  1. Toby July 4, 2011 07:52AM
    Dave...no... the impact is a mitigating factor to having cut away all the trees, where we now grow corn for three months out of a year. Remember the dust bowl? Seems slowing wind down is a good thing.
  2. Dave July 2, 2011 12:46PM
    Looks like I'll have to look for intelligent life elsewhere. Don't recall saying anything that would reasonably classify myself as a nimby, and what does taking oil and gas out of the ground have to do with the question? If you are too stupid to understand that wind is a conversion of energy from one form to another, then what are you doing on this site?
  3. Cliff June 30, 2011 05:08PM
    Neglected has been the fact that synchronizing the rotation of the world's windmills causes all babies to be born naked.
  4. Keith June 30, 2011 02:33PM
    I want some of whatever "Dave" is smoking... Maybe all the NIMBY's can collectively eat beans and counter the impacts of his concern by all aiming their rears in the leeward direction... I wonder if anyone has calculated the atmospheric impacts of all of the hot air out of the mouths of the NIMBY Fake Fact Factory in recent years?
  5. Rick Trombley June 29, 2011 03:20PM
    Dave doesn't taking the oil, gas and coal out of the earth and converting it to greenhouse gas have a negative effect??? maybe with using wind to power our needs we can get more time in each of our days
  6. Dave June 29, 2011 03:03PM
    Serious question - turbines convert the electricity potential in the air to usable grid electricity. This means that the energy (and windspeed) in the atmosphere is being reduced in wind areas and beyond them. Does this have any impact on the local environment, including plants, wildlife, temperatures, and weather? You can't take something away from nature without an effect. Is there a point when we get so many turbines altering the natural balance that there is a noticable impact, and what would it be?
  7. Beth Soholt June 29, 2011 01:36PM
    Ah ha!! A new theme song for AWEA - "I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet" by Carole King!
  8. PJ Dougherty June 29, 2011 12:29PM
    I knew it all along!

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